Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
