I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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