so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Randomize
