im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
