Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
