I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize