I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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