remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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