I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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