if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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