Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
