i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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