The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she smelled like a LAN party
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Who died my cat blue again?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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