I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
