As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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