I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
