I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
