I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
