I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
