so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
