I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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