she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
