just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
