marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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