Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize