dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
