We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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