I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
