i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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