Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I know her cup size but not her name....
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
