He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
