You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
