Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Im part way to drunk.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
