Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
