i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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