Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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