I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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