I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize