I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
