I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
