There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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