dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
