goodnight i made you a song goodbye
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
