my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
