I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I want her autograph on my taint
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize