I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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