you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
