He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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