I will die if light touches me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize