If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
