I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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