girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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