just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
