I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
