3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
