so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
