i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
