I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
