Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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