just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
