yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
