Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
