do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
babies were throwing up all over the place
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Randomize
