I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
