i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
