you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
