At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
