I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
