SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
