There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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