Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
