dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
