I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
