i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
