I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
