well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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