You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
