Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
