Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
