I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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