im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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