Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
