I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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