when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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