I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize