I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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