I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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