you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
