That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
