She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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