I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
