Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
