the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
