We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
