i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize