You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
