My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
