I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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