apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize