I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
