Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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