wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
