In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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